I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
