uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
