My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
