absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
