Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
