Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
