I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
