I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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