I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
