Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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