My hand turned me down
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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