The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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