omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
