Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
