I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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