Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize