At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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