Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
