Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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