New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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