I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
