i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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