Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
