just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
