There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
