you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
