did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize