just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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