Your face is a jimmy john
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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