I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
