mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
