her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
