Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Farmville is her only friend.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
