For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
