remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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