wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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