So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
