I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
