this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel like death gave me a hand job
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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