I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
