Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
