I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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