Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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