i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
