I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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