The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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