he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
