chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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