i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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