My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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