they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
