drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
