I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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