Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
