I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
