dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
