Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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