Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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