In the future we'll all be gay
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My penis needs a shock collar
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
