my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
