just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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