What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize