You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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