I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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