So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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