Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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