how hairy? two words: wookie tits
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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