Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I need a beard to bite.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
