It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
