so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize