Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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