miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How does one acquire holy water?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
