see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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