hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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