Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
