I want to walk on stilts...naked
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
