I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize