dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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