My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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