you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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