i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
