i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
