I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
