Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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