I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
