you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
