I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
