the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
