im holly from the hills drunk
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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