well you can't waste a boner
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
