I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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