I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
