I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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