Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
