im drinking this country out of the recession.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We're too hungover to prance.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
