Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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