apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Everything about him screamed your future.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
