drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
